I experienced unconditional love through a broken heart. I realized that unconditional love is the capacity to LET GO of what I love, and LOVE what I dislike. It’s allowing the natural transformation of relationships without affecting my wholeness. It’s the opportunity to clean emotionally charged memories so I can live new in the present. This is my story:
My heart was dead. How could I see beauty when I was dead inside? It was simply not available to me. My beloved was dead, and with him, my heart died. I couldn’t imagine living without him. How could I breath? But I was still here, in this body. I didn’t know how it kept me alive. At times, I wished I could die with my beloved, so I could return to him, but I knew I couldn’t. Even if my physical form died, reuniting with him was impossible. He was gone for ever and I had to stay here. I wanted so badly to squeeze this sadness out of me. Was it possible to feel joy again? I cried, I read, I received the best help in the World, I was the recipient of unmeasurable love, but the sadness didn’t go away. The truth was that I wanted to die. I could not take this pain any longer. My only option was to surrender.
So I sat down and said “Take me sadness, take me depression, take me to the deepest part of the sea, where light can not reach. I want to be there, where Life is dead, where there is no hope, or beauty, where nothing exists, except the pain in my chest, and the tears on my cheeks, and my swollen eyes, giving up on opening again, and the faint sensation of my breath. How is it possible that my body can breath when I’m dead?
I’m so tired of playing dead that I have surrendered to Life. Life, immutable and irreverent to my pain, was still there, shinning beauty and joy in every crack and crease, in every corner of imperfection. Is it possible that joy can not exist without the consciousness that perceives it?
Good night beloved, I now see you in the death of my heart, in the deepest place of my depression, in the serenity of my surrender. I start hearing and smelling, and opening my eyes, the light starts percolating into my world, still a meaningless world, but real enough to make me realize that I’m alive, and that perhaps the unimaginable will happen, that I will survive.”