Once upon a time I had a dream where I was a canoe. Inside, right in my center of gravity, there was a bowl with fire. I was navigating downstream a calm river. I had no body to perceive, yet I could sense that I was alive. I had no choice but to trust the invisible current guiding me nowhere. “What I relief” —I thought— “no decisions to be made, no more fighting, no more suffering. If I could only stay here…”. But the fire started to burn more intensely. It wanted something, to go somewhere. It steered me into a narrow canal of dark waters of unknown nature. “I’m afraid”, I said. In desperation, I tipped myself over to drown the maleficent fire from destroying me. The fire was gone as the bowl was slowly being swallowed by the depths of the river.
I turned myself around when I realized that I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to beach my canoe, but the river didn’t stop for me. I wasn’t enjoying the ride anymore. The current was now taking me to the same dark canal that the fire was guiding me to. This time I had no way to stop it. So I shutdown and surrendered. Still shaking with fear, I could sense the bowl with fire coming back to my center of gravity, and with it, my desire to live again.
It’s not about striving to have “what I want”, but surrendering to get “what I need”. WHAT I WANT is powered by the fire of ego. It’s a wonderful force that allows me to create with my unique flavor; but if not guided by the forces of Life that will only provide WHAT I NEED, it can make me delusional and isolate me in an endless pursue of selfish desires.
It seems like the only way to take advantage of these opposite forces, is to allow my desire to guide me in the first impulse to act, at the same time that I let go of the results of that action. This gives room for Life to deliver the “how” in unexpected and effortless ways.