Have you married your father?

I mean, a man who resembles your father? I didn’t marry him, but I fell in love with one like him.
For the first time in my life, I felt powerless against the attraction toward a man who wasn’t good for me. I could only explain it as a spell that blinded me and stubbornly made me beg for any crumbs of love that he could spare.
I was convinced that I could change him, that my love was so pure, that it could tear down the walls he created and were keeping me at bay. “If he could only admit his love for me, we would create a life together beyond our wildest dreams” —I thought. So I waited, and waited, and waited a little bit more; but he never changed. I had no choice but to keep on living with a broken heart, which only time and distance were able to heal.
I now wonder if overcoming this spell was the experience my soul needed to cleanse itself, and perhaps the only way to liberate myself from the need to reform a father who was simply incapable of loving me.



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