Dieting can be a form of punishment

I was a ballet dancer for 10 years— from age 9 to 19. The pressure to keep my weight under 100 lbs was the cause of my eating disorders. I didn’t see it that way back then because dancing was all that mattered, but it’s now very clear.
I remember fasting from Wednesday, in preparation for Thursdays-weight-checkup, and binging on Thursday evening—restaurant hoping until my stomach hurt. No one taught me how to nurture my body instead of feeding it with calories, which blinded me from dissolving the root of the problem—lack of acceptance.
It wasn’t until I quit ballet that I started losing weight effortlessly. Once the pressure was gone, I was able to focus on eating things that made me feel good. I started listening to my body instead of a diet.
Wanting to be thinner was a rejection of who I was. The unhealthy cycle of dieting and gaining weight was perpetuated by the feeling of not being good enough, of having to fix myself.
I healed my eating disorder by getting to know myself, which started with the acceptance of who I was without wanting to change.



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